Trying to Understand…

I have found myself trying to understand why God is delaying us in our journey to become parents. I lay awake at night and think to myself ‘There isn’t anyone else in the world who would love a Baby more. I just don’t understand why there are people out there who can bring a child into this world when they may not be ready for such a significant responsibility – whatever their circumstances.’ My brain tells me we have done everything right. We are married with good jobs, would provide and care for Baby Bear in more ways than we do for ourselves and each other, and a million other reasons why we should be parents.

My heart is telling me something different though. Maybe I really am not ready to become a Mother? Every night I ask God to help me find peace with our current situation. There has been no medical reason found that we cannot conceive, yet here we are – childless. As I ask God to help me find peace, I also ask Him to help me understand. Over the last several weeks, the feeling that comes over me is one of many emotions, but mostly comfort as I settle in with the notion that maybe I am just not as ready as I think I am. I am not ready to be the Mother that God needs me to be to Baby Bear. I find myself coming to grips with the thought that God is using this part of our journey to mold me into the Mother He needs me to be – not the Mother I think I am ready to be.

“Why does God wait until the money is gone? Why does He wait until the sickness has lingered? Why does He choose to wait until the other side of the grave to answer prayers for healing? I don’t know. I only know His timing is always right. I can only say He will do what is best. Though you hear nothing, He is speaking. Though you see nothing, He is acting. With God, there are no accidents.” { Grace for the Moment – Volume 1 }
I find it fitting that this inspirational thought accompanied my morning coffee the other day before I hustled off to work.

I will continue to pray for Baby Bear to join us soon, but in my heart, I will continue to believe that Faith in God, includes Faith in His timing.

— Waiting on Baby Bear


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