Crossroads..

On Sunday, Christopher and I loaded Rufus into the car, packed a picnic and headed north for the day. We started out at Clear Creek State Park and then ventured north through Kane. We stopped along the Kinzua Reservoir and hiked part of the North Country Trail. We then headed into Warren to get softserve ice cream at our favorite place, but they were closed for the season – boo! After that we headed down trip-6 (666) through Kelletville along Minister Creek and stopped at Frog Rock. Yes Frog Rock. It’s exactly what you think it is. It’s a rock in the middle of Minister Creek all painted up like a frog. I used to frequent there with my family and fish with my Dad or float along the creek on a perfect summer day with my mom in our innertube. Going back to that spot takes me back to simpler days from my childhood that I cherish. The fall colors were spectacular despite the grey skies and light rain that fell throughout the day. The rain did manage to hold off when we were out sightseeing or hiking along. We drove across Nebraska Bridge through Tionesta and got ice cream at Haller’s – and yes Rufus got a doggy dish. We traveled many crossroads and had a great day enjoying each other’s company listening to the soft turned not-so-soft snoring of a certain Chocolate Lab in the backseat.

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Crossroads. It’s ironic looking back how many different directions we could have traveled Sunday with just the simple change in direction. If the government wasn’t shut down we would have made a right at the stop light in downtown Warren to drive by, and I’m sure stop into our family’s camping tradtion Buckaloons. If I didn’t think I’d end up crying at old memories, I would have asked Chris to go straight at the 4 way intersection in East Hickory to see my family’s old camp that has since been sold. If it had been Saturday instead of Sunday then maybe we would’ve gone through Cook’s Forest to hit some of the little gift shops and antique stores. Regardless, we came to crossroads, which we travelled along anyways.

I find myself sitting at a crossroad in our Journey to Baby Bear. I have been feeling in my heart lately that it might be time to move on in exploring other treatment options in hopes of starting our family. We have been doing medicated cycles with Clomid for a year now. November of last year was when we first met with our first RE and then transferred in April to our current doctor. Christopher’s take is that my brain tumor isn’t being treated as effectively or as aggressively as it could be and since my prolactin levels are still so high, the Clomid and Metformin aren’t getting a chance to do what they are intended for. A totally valid point, and he may very well be right. Friday night I took the following: 200mg of Clomid, 15mg of Bromocriptine, 1500mg of Metformin and a prenatal vitamin with extra folic acid. Within the hour I was sick to my stomach and within two hours I was hunched over in the bathroom with what Christopher described as ‘the most violent vomiting I have ever heard.’ Despite what I have been putting myself through I have managed 2 positive OPK’s in 12 months. That is the reason I feel like it’s time to explore other options.

I sat down with Chris last night and had a good ol’ heart to heart. We had our first ‘real’ talk about IVF and other options that are out there. We aren’t sure that IVF is going to even be feasable for us due to the costs associated with everything. We talked about IUI, a much more affordable option to us, but I can’t tell if we are on the same page for that or not. We did agree that it’s worth making an appointment to talk to a specialist about the procedure itself to ensure it is the right next step for us. We talked about adoption. We talked about A LOT last night. And yet, here I sit.. at a crossroad.

We lifted everything up to the Lord asking for His guidance in figuring out what our next step should be. I am hopeful that He will let us know which direction we should pursue in our journey..

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