Praying Boldly

Confession Time: I have to admit – sometimes, I am scared to pray boldly.

It’s not at all that I don’t believe God can do anything. I absolutely do. My hesitation isn’t derived in any kind of doubt about God. It’s more in doubts about myself and my ability to absolutely discern the will of God. The reality is, sometimes God chooses not to do things. And if His will is no, while I am boldly praying for a yes, it makes me feel out of step with God and His will for my life.

I so desperately want to stay in the will of God that I find myself praying with clauses sometimes, like: “God please let this finally be our month, but if Your will still says ‘No’ I will trust You. I wonder why I don’t just boldly pray: “God, please let this be our month..” And then stand confidently knowing my prayers were not in vain no matter what the outcome.

I’ve even posted about this very topic. Months ago, we had a series at church – “Drawing Close” that pulled at every heart string you could imagine. It still continues to minister to me.. the below excerpt is from my blog post immediately following a weekend message from the “Drawing Close” series..
“The weekend’s message reminded me that when you go to God, things change. That when you talk to Him, He hears you. That a powerful prayer changes situations. That a powerful prayer is an unfailing promise of His name – “therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.” {Mark 11:24} That a powerful prayer should be one of “Thank You’s” and not “I’m begging you’s”. When you pray to God, it will allow Him to come into your life but He will not intervene by default, we must seek Him. That when you seek Him, the opportunity is there for Him to work in your life..”

16 months. For 16 months my prayers were for us to find an RE that understood what we needed treatment wise in our journey. Christopher and I have talked many, many times that we felt my brain tumor wasn’t being treated aggressively enough. In December we started at our current doctor, and 3 months in, we are finally starting medicines that we’ve been waiting on for a year and a half. She understood what we needed, and I truly feel like she is an answer to my prayers.

Matthew 6-8 “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”

The reality is, my prayers haven’t or will ever change God. But I am convinced prayer changes me. Prayer opens my eyes to see things I can’t see on my own; and I’m convinced prayer matters.

So, I will ask. And I will ask again..
Not so that I can cause God to move, but rather so that I can position myself to be able to see Him move in any which way He pleases, trusting fully in His word.

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