For the first time yesterday I stumbled upon Casting Crowns’ new song “Broken Together.” I heard the song but didn’t really ‘listen’ so later in the evening I looked up the lyrics.
“What do you think about when you look at me; I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand and we dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times; before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines; will we make it through the night”
These lyrics sure pulled on the ol’ heartstrings. I really related this into our Journey to Baby Bear. Chris and I didn’t get married and expect to still be fighting for a family nearly 6 years later, but here we are. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again, infertility has been the best and worst thing that’s happened in my life. There have been days when I feel broken, whether it be my physical body, my resolve or my heart. Christopher has had his broken days too. I have my imperfections. My husband has his. You have yours and your spouse has theirs. The whole notion of the song that struck my heart surrounds the idea of being able to lay down who you thought your spouse was and love the person that they are. It’s only when life throws it’s most wicked curveballs that you see into the heart and soul of your spouse when they are ‘broken’ and how they help you to mend when you are ‘broken.’
Marriage is tough. I think that we tend to bring a lot of fairytales to the picture when it comes to marriage. We bring them to the altar with us thinking ‘..This is going to be perfect. We can just wake up together every morning and no one is going to have morning breath. We’re not going to have any problems and life will be great.’ And then once the problems hit, you don’t know where they fit into the picture perfect life that you once imagined. Eventually everyday problems will get in the way – let’s face it life happens and the problems may come to you in ways that you may never expect. It might be a financial issue, an addiction that creeps into your life, family problems that you face, or health issues.. whatever the case may be, they will happen. I know I’ve matured in my relationship with Christ based on my reactions to what life throws at me nowadays. I wasn’t always like that though, and I admit I still have a tendency to react in a way I know I shouldn’t. I catch myself when I find that I am not extending the forgiveness that someone is seeking, or the patience that is needed at that moment, or the grace that is deserved, even though God does it for me day in and day out.
I’ve learned that life certainly isn’t perfect but God’s plan and His timing are, and I think sometimes that journey is more about what God is doing in me more than anything else along the way. I trust God to be at work in my life when I am broken, and I trust that He is working in my husband’s life on his broken days too. Only God is going to be able to make this work so that broken people who are broken together come through it on the other side by the Grace of our Perfect Healer.
“How it must have been so lonely by my side; we were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align, and we wont give up the fight”