“Don’t Waste Your Infertility…”

This past Saturday at church, I was approached by someone I’d not previously met before and was asked “Are you the lady from the Easter Hope video?” to which I shook my head in acknowledgement. She responded with “I thought I recognized you.. I have toyed with the idea of talking to you and tonight decided to do it. Your video was very inspirational and I believe that God is using you in big ways. He is faithful – you will see. But until then, don’t waste your infertility.” She gave me a hug and away to her seat she went.

‘…don’t waste your infertility..’

My jaw literally dropped. I was taken aback and even slightly offended…

What kind of advice is that?!

As the service went on, I let the previous conversation slip from my mind but have gone back and forth to it for several days. This statement really stood out to me – why on Earth would she say something like that?

So I prayed. I asked God what it is that I’m supposed to learn from this woman’s advice.

I wish I could say that my response to this journey we have been on has always been Christ-like and admirable. But, it hasn’t. However, through this trial, God has taught me some specific things about His character and His goodness in all things. I believe that God is absolutely sovereign over my infertility. And to be perfectly transparent, I believe I have been given this battle for a reason.

In fact, this part of my life was designed by Him and He doesn’t want me to waste it.

What I’ve learned is hardly exhaustive, but it’s a start. If you are struggling with infertility too, I pray that God uses these words to encourage you as we walk this road together.

• Not wasting your infertility starts with a deep and abiding trust in the God who knows the end of your infertility.

He knows the end of it because He orchestrated this part of my life. However, He also knows the end of it because only He can truly heal my body and give us a family. Know God’s Word. Study it. Live it. It is in His Word that you will see God and know Him more deeply. You will find that He is good all of the time, and that He wants to give you a greater knowledge of Himself through this trial. In His Word you will find comfort for your soul. Not wasting your infertility is a constant fight to see God as good, but it’s a fight worth having.

• Not wasting your infertility means you worship even when your heart is breaking.

There have been numerous times when things didn’t go as I’d hoped, or test results weren’t what I wanted them to be. I was angry, but in those times I pushed myself to either listen to certain Worship songs or read specific passages of the Bible in an effort to soften and strengthen my heart in the most difficult times. There are certain songs that I go to on my worst days that align my heart back where it needs to be, especially when’s it’s hardest for me to do it. That’s what worship is, giving God the glory that His name deserves. Worship means treasuring Christ above all things, even my yearning for a family.

• Not wasting your infertility means praying boldly.

I’ve blogged before about praying boldly. (March Archives)
Only when we trust God as the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace can we worship Him and pray to Him boldly. Knowing God enables us to pray to Him with confidence that He can and will act in our best interests. Infertility is a disease of the helpless. You can’t change your condition. You can’t make that second line show up on your pregnancy test no matter how tightly you cross your fingers – but He can.

• Not wasting your infertility means finding joy in the journey.

We are oftentimes sorrowful because it’s a devastating, painful, and sometimes never-ending roller-coaster. However, we should rejoice because we have Hope that this is not all there is to life. It’s not that we are happy with our circumstances – there is nothing happy about this journey – but there is a great Savior who has given us everything we need through His death–including comfort in our pain.

• Not wasting your infertility means taking your thoughts and emotions captive to the obedience of Christ.

Infertility brings with it a minefield of scary scenarios and questions. (What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I miscarry again? What if I can’t afford treatment?). Those thoughts tend to bring emotions, which then bring stress and worry. Infertility, like all suffering, has a way of putting pressure on us and our relationships. Infertility does not bring with it a free pass on how I treat people, my husband especially. Nor does it give us license to daydream about the many “What if’s?” Unfortunately, I have learned this the hard way. We have real emotions and feelings, but they are not morally neutral. And our husbands are real people who hurt just as much as we do. Praying, instead of listening to yourself, is especially helpful when you feel your emotions taking over. We have a faithful Savior who is able to comfort and change our circumstances for His glory.

Practical suggestions and ways to stay busy can be helpful, but even more important, the practical cannot happen unless we embrace Christ as our greatest treasure in our season of infertility. Sure, we can find ways to stay busy to take our mind off the pain, and those are good things to do (I’ve done it) – but God has designed suffering to chisel us more into the image of Christ, to draw us closer to Himself, and to give us a greater vision and understanding of His glory. We could easily miss that if we fill our schedules in order to forget.

I don’t know the outcome of my journey of infertility. Right now, I know that I’ve still got a road ahead of me that needs to be traveled. I don’t know where you are, either if you’re also on a quest to Motherhood, but I do know this: no matter where we are in the journey of infertility, God has a sure and good purpose for us. He will test us, He will chisel us, and He will show us more of Himself every step of the way. And after He has tried us, by His grace, we will come forth as gold. {Job 23:10}

gold

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10 thoughts on ““Don’t Waste Your Infertility…”

  1. I love the advice that she gave. For me, wasting my infertility would be to not learn how to trust, rely and lean on God for his healing. I don’t believe god “gave” me this sickness cause He can only give good gifts, but I believe He allowed Satan to use it against me because He knew in the end it would refine me and teach me true faith. Thanks for this post. Xo

  2. Kelly says:

    Wow I was taken back when I read this the first time…I like you would’ve been blown away by a complete stranger saying that to me and I know I would’ve taken it he way you initial did! But what a gift you have-you always see things in the right light and you get that He is with you every step of the way. I think you are such an amazing person I am so blessed to even know you!

  3. Yes!!! The bible tells us we WILL have trials and I totally agree, whether it’s infertility or not, we are supposed to make the most of them and suffer with joy and peace, not with bitterness. So glad you are having an impact on the kingdom!!!!

  4. *Sara* says:

    Wow, I am in the process of starting my own infertility blog and had no idea where to start so I started looking around and came across yours. I started scrolling a bit and my eyes just happened to land on this entry. This was exactly what I needed to read today. It’s as though you were in my head and knowing my exact thoughts as you typed this. Before I was even two paragraphs in, the tears were flowing. God definitely guided me to your page specifically. Thank you and God bless. I pray you get your Baby Bear…

    • Hi Sara,

      I can’t tell you how blessed I am by your comment.. I’m sorry it’s taken me a few days to reply – but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your words any less. I am so glad that my words were able to bring you comfort in this time and I hope you move forward with starting your blog. I have found it is such an effective outlet for me to not only put my feelings into words, but a great source for others too. Be sure to send me your link when it’s up and running so I can follow along in your journey and pray for you. God Bless, Chelsie

  5. Kerry Forde says:

    I asked Dr.Oloye to cast a twin spell. I have fertility problems and have been trying for almost 2 years. I began to give up hope. I came across Dr.Oloye and thought it was worth a shot. I was a bit skeptical at first but ordered a triple cast, so it didn’t exactly break the bank and I decided to ask her for help. I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be but within a few days I received a letter with a spell and a charm. I did what the instructions said. I had a scan last week and I’m 9 weeks pregnant with twins, I cannot believe it. I want to say a huge thank you. I often emailed for advice and Dr.Oloye always replied with a straight answer. They are my miracle babies.You have nothing to lose with her and we would highly recommend her work on:extremesolutiontemple@gmail.com

  6. I’m late to the party, but this blog post rocked my heart…”finding the joy in the journey” is where my life has stalled out. My DH and I miscarried in October, and I can’t seem to find the light. I’m not depressed, I’m just not joyful. I go through the motions, but nothing is lighting up my heart lately.

    Thank you for this blog. I feel like a lot of the things you shared are things I needed to hear and read. Sometimes this journey of IF is so personally destructive. Thank you for the reminder and the hope.

    I just started my blogging journey, but I am into year 2 of TTC. With my husband deploying, I feel abandoned right now and finding blogs of other strong women has been such a help.

  7. Hi Katie! Thank you for your wonderful comment – it touched my heart very much. I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I would be happy to pray for your and your DH during this difficult time. Feel free to send me specific prayer requests if you have them. Don’t give up!
    -Chelsie

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