Dealing with the “What Ifs”

Some days I wish the whole world would just go away and let me have my moment of doubt, of weakness.
In solitude.
With no audience.
With no questions.
With no arguing.
With no what ifs clanging around like so many cymbals in my head.
It’s those what ifs that really trip me up.

I think we all have a vulnerable point. Right?
Our fatal flaw.
Our downfall.
The thing that makes our brave words fall on the shell of an empty, fearful heart.
The thing that brings us low and small.
The thing that makes us question just about everything there is in the world to question.
The thing that always seems to make us want to run, but sadly there just isn’t anywhere to run.
The thing that makes our hearts cry buckets and our souls grieve sadness.
The thing that causes our hope to falter and fail a little.. or a lot.
The thing that shames us because we know in our heads but our hearts refuse to follow.
The thing that the enemy uses to push us down and roll us like a tumbleweed through the dry and lonely desert.
The thing that squelches our joy.

I’ll be honest. Mine is fear.
Yep, I said it out loud.
Fear.

It’s been my weakest point since forever.
Paralyzing, portentous, irrational.
So irrational in fact, that I’m afraid to talk about the things I’m afraid of. I put on a brave face and I spew out brave words, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, I’m no better than the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz.

(Yes, today I’m a hot mess.)

And the biggest fears are the ones spinning around in my head. The ones that come from watching too much TV or reading too many thrillers, which ironically, I don’t really do. My imagination does this all on its own. It has a teeny tiny trigger and then BAM! Look what I can do! The ones that never happen are the ones that paralyze me. The what ifs.

How many moments are stolen by this byproduct of fear?
How many moments are missed because I was caught in a what if and not in the moment before me–the piece of time I was standing upon and within?
How many smiles and kindnesses and happy sounds go unobserved into the atmosphere because I was what if-ing my life to pieces?
And how often in the process of what if-ing my life to pieces does my life actually go to pieces?

I do this – a lot. I have Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and depending on the circumstance, Plans D, E, and F as well.
I want to have all my ducks in a row and all my pieces on the table all the time. When they go missing, I get anxious.. and fearful.

I confess.
I may have a slight control issue.
It’s laughable, I know, but it’s only slight.

There’s no reasoning to what ifs. There’s no rationale to fear. There’s just straight out battle. Warfare.
And how do I battle shadows?
How do I slay dragons that don’t exist?
How do I make the demons flee and tremble?

How do I make the knot, the one that grows in the pit of my stomach and weighs my feet down just like my spirit so I can’t move to the light, go away?
How do I give up control so that Jesus can take control?

I am brought up a bit sad and low when I think of what all my what if-ing does.
I have pushed God’s sovereignty right out the door and then locked it up tight behind Him. I have made my fears my idols and my what-ifs my offerings to a god that can never free me, never save me, never forgive me, never redeem me, and never heal me. And the One who can patiently waits out my what if-ing because He knows. He knows I will grow weary of trying to outwit, outlast, and outplay the world. He knows my heart will turn back before my mind will.

Because all of my well laid plans, all of my what if-ing, all of my strategies are illusions that needs only the smallest of life’s breezes to collapse.

The Lord wants my what if-ing. He wants my plans. He wants my fears. Because what He really wants is my heart. All the nooks and crannies where unsavory things hide and lay waiting, where my fears lurk unchecked, and my what-ifs take up residence. He wants the whole ugly-beautiful mess. So He can take that and offer me peace.

And with peace comes the security of knowing His love for me is greater than my very best what if. That His provision and protection and divine interceding is more potent than my worst fear. And in Him there can be no darkness. In Him there can be no fear. Whom have I to fear because God is for me and if God is for me, who can be against me. I have been redeemed and freed from a life of slavery–slavery to a slippery master, slavery to fear, slavery to what ifs.

What if instead of spending my moments being afraid or what if-ing my moments away, I spent them pressing into Him, trusting that He will be with me whatever I face. What if I held up my hands and surrendered my filthy, dirty, holey rags completely and fully to Him. What if I bravely gave Him all the fears I’m trying to out plan and let Him plan my road? Because what I’m really doing when I cling so tightly to my fears and my what ifs is leaving God out.
I’m choosing fear instead of faith. Anxiety instead of love. Control instead of surrender.

And this is the battle. This is how I slay my invisible, too real dragons and this is how I make the demons flee and tremble and this is how I make the shadows turn to light:

I speak Truth even when I cannot feel Truth. I claim Truth even when my heart feels differently and hurts. I cling with all my might and with all my weakness to the One who has promised He will never leave me and He will never forsake me even when I’m paralyzed and can’t do, can’t believe anything else. I choose Jesus. I claim Jesus. I speak the name of Jesus.

Because if God is who He says He is, then He will do what He has promised to do. And if I claim Jesus, and keep claiming Jesus, in the middle of my darkness then the darkness will turn to light. Oh, I might not feel it, but it will happen. If I claim God’s sovereignty and provision in the midst of my what if-ing, then suddenly the need for the what ifs seems empty, wispy, insubstantial. Because what do my what ifs matter in the presence of an All Powerful, Almighty, All Knowing God? They don’t. God is more concerned with my heart than my what-ifs. He’s more concerned with the state of my soul than the state of my imagined fears.

I know this sounds simple but simple is usually never easy. But simple is always better.
God made everything about having a relationship with Him simple, just not always easy. But relationships can only exist, can only grow if there’s trust.
And if there’s fear, there’s no trust, and without trust there’s a compromised relationship.
If I want to battle my what if-ing, my fears, I have to choose more of Jesus. I have to choose to be overwhelmed by Jesus and not by fear.
I have to choose faith instead of fear and love instead of worry and surrender instead of control. It won’t happen in a day.
But it starts with a small choice: to confront the what if, to catch it and take it captive in Jesus’ name, to cover it with love and grace and watch Him transform fear into faith, that’s the road. That’s the choice. That’s the battle.

And that’s the victory.

“Underwhelmed Soul”

Do you ever feel a little worn down and a lot worn out? Is your schedule dictated by the requests and countless demands that rush at you each day? When more requests come, do you ever dread saying yes but feel the guilt weighing in on you if you say no?

Me too.

I’m so tired of living in a constant state of disappointment. I’m disappointed in myself for saying yes to too many things. I’m disappointed in my attitude when my schedule gets stressful and the worst version of me is on display. And even when I’m brave and make adjustments to my schedule, I get stressed over disappointing others and then living with the guilt of saying no. Something has to change. This isn’t just about adjusting my schedule. It’s deeper than that. I need a change for the sake of my soul.

This part is from Lysa TerKeuret’s “The Best Yes”

To the woman with the overwhelmed schedule and the underwhelmed soul…if you are reading this right now…just breathe.

Have you had days where your schedule seems so jam-packed with appointments, housework, to do lists, and family demands that you feel like your suffocating? It can be hard to find your purpose when your life consists of dirty diapers, dishes, laundry, and car-pooling. Or perhaps your schedule is a 9-5 job with demanding after hour responsibilities, late nights, and frequent work trips. You run around making sure the demands of the day are fulfilled and everyone else’s needs are being met. Your head hits the pillow with less than 6 hours of sleep to go (if your lucky) …and then you are up and out of bed before you know it and it is time to do it all over again. No matter what you seem to do your schedule leaves you feeling defeated before it has even begun. You are utterly…overwhelmed. But you keep telling yourself “next week will be better”! You’ll make time to “get in the word” and “open your Bible” or have some “alone time with the maker”. You realize you need Him. You realize He is always there. But you seldom make Him a priority in your schedule.

How can you say “no” when everyone around you needs you?

There are moments when you feel lost in this sea of constant busyness that sometimes you almost forget who you are…who He made you to be.

Your overwhelming schedule…. leaves your soul feeling underwhelmed. Your purpose for life feeling as if it was sucked right out of you.

You ask yourself. What has happened? How did I get here?

We know in our hearts that our maker is the only one who can bring peace and comfort to the lives we live. We know that sometimes we over commit and can fall in to the trap of saying “yes” when our hearts really meant to say “no”.

God can slow the pace and still help you win the race. It all starts with intention.

Here are a few simple ways you can start making intentional change in your life – learn to say “no” to the unnecessary demands and learn to say “Yes” to what really matters:

Learn to Say No – And Mean It:
Sometimes saying “no”…is tough. Especially, for those of us who don’t want to disappoint someone. Learn to say “no” and mean it. Practice saying it out loud in the shower or in front of a mirror, even just hearing and feeling how it rolls off the tongue and comes out of the mouth will provide you with more confidence when it comes time to use it.

You Don’t Need A Reason:
For most, in order to say “no”, you feel there needs to be a reason or an excuse as to why you are letting the person requesting the favor down. Have you ever found yourself scrambling for a reason why you can decline the invitation? You are scrambling for a reason to say “no” because deep down you really don’t want to…you feel drained…tired…and your list is too long to add any more of anyone else’s responsibilities to it. Just remember you don’t need a reason. Simply saying, “thank you, but no, it won’t work in my schedule”, is enough.

Learn to Ask For Help:
Tired of being the one to always throw the block party? Outsource the responsibility to others. If nobody is willing to take it up and move forward with it…then they must not have thought it was that important to begin with. Learn to let go of things that aren’t necessary to hang on to…sure its nice and a “feel good” thing…but in the end if it is causing you stress and it is low on the priority list, get rid of it!

He Always Has Time:
Know that God is waiting for you… He is never too busy for you. He always has time. And He always will greet you with open arms. Like an old friend who you can pick up right where you left off, just set the date, grab some coffee and your Bible. Whether it’s for 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 30 minutes or an hour. If it means carrying your Bible or Daily Devotional with you to read on your quick lunch break – you have time.

Our lives are shaped by our actions. Our schedules start out blank and we fill them in.

“The decisions you make determine the schedule you keep. The schedule you keep determines the life you live. And how you live your life determines how you spend your soul.” – Lysa TerKeurst, The Best Yes.

To the women with the overwhelmed schedule and the underwhelmed soul…you got this.

Lessons from Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever felt like you were asking God all the “right” questions and getting only silence in return? I’ve been seeking God on a few things and have yet to hear His response. It’s causing me spiritual heartburn. Now, on top of the questions I’ve been already asking God (some for years), now I’m asking MORE questions – among them – “Why is God being so quiet?”

I’m hoping I’m not the only person to experience this. If you’ve ever felt flustered or frustrated by an unanswered prayer, this post is for you. During my drive home from work, I left the radio off and just formulated these thoughts. I’m not sure how I put all of this into words, but I felt like this was what was on my heart tonight.

I am (we are) so impatient sometimes. We’re the yappy dog at the sliding glass door of God’s will, desperately trying to get outside on a beautiful day. Sometimes we just need to relax, take a deep breath, and realize it’s beautiful right where we’re at, and God will let us outside to enjoy the sunshine when it’s in the right season to do so…but we want so bad to have what we want right now.

We get discouraged in prayer by thinking God has said no when in fact He’s said nothing at all. “Wait” is an answer – a delay is not denial. God often delays His answer to cultivate patience and persistence, and build our faith.

God has something far greater in store for us. Mary and Martha wanted Jesus to heal Lazarus, but He had resurrection in mind. We ask for health, but often sickness and suffering or something less than wealth is the best way to produce holiness and maturity in us.

I’m also learning the staggering importance of just being with God in prayer time. Instead of always filling the airwaves with requests, reflections, and repentance (all of which are good by the way), it’s good to just be silent and present. It is good to just be STILL.

Christopher and I have made great strides over the last couple of weeks in determining the options that lay before us in our Journey to Baby Bear. Now it’s a matter of laying it all before the Lord and asking Him to direct our steps. Our hearts are open to whatever it is that He directs us to. I am certain that it won’t be easy, it will however, be oh so worth it.

Now that we are officially in my favorite season ever I can wish you Happy Fall Y’all! In doing so, I wanted to share this super easy – super yummo recipe I tried tonight: Pumpkin Spice Cookies (with Raisins)

3 Ingredients – 10 minute prep time – delicious results.

(1) Spice Cake Mix
(1) Can of Pumpkin
Raisins if Desired

Mix the dry cake mix with the pumpkin until the batter is fully mixed. Drop on cookie sheets and bake at 350 for 13-15 minutes. Serioulsy. It’s that easy.

We added raisins to taste, and they are just as tasty with them as without.

And our house smells like a fall bakery – win!

Seasons Change

Autumn is my absolute favorite time of year, I love everything about it.

The temperatures start cooling off.
Long sleeves and hoodies come out of the closet.
Almost everything involves pumpkin.
The leaves begin to change into the most beautiful colors.
Evenings are spent with the windows open, feeling the chilled breeze under a blanket – or sometimes in my case – puppies.

It seems like everything slows down just a little as autumn arrives, and I can just take a much-needed breath before the craziness of the holidays begin.

This year as I’ve watched the leaves outside our home change color and begin to fall, it has reminded me that nothing in this world lasts forever.

This is my favorite season. Winter, Spring or Summer may be yours… but none of them stick around.
Seasons change, and that’s the way God intended it to be.

As much as I love Autumn and everything it brings, I’m thankful for the other seasons as well:
I love the quiet snows of Winter. Everything is perfect and without flaw under a blanket of fresh white snow.
I love the blooming flowers, new life, and warmth of Spring. New life is finding it’s way into the world.
I love the sunshine, smell of the salty ocean just before we cross over the Orgeon Inlet Bridge on our way to vacation with our family in the Summer.

One season gives way to another just as it has since God spoke this world into existence.
We need the changing seasons.
There could be no Autumn with its beautiful colors without the leaves budding out in Spring.
Though one may be more enjoyable to us than another, they’re all necessary.

It’s the same with circumstances in our lives.

There seem to be times of calm and times of chaos, times of peace and times of turmoil, times of laughter and times of tears….
But they never last forever.

Sure, some are more enjoyable than others, but they each serve a purpose.
We couldn’t enjoy and appreciate the calm, peace, and laughter without the chaos, turmoil, and tears.

You may be in a pleasant season right now.
If so, soak it up, and be sure you thank God for it. Enjoy it. Every. Single. Moment.

You may be like me and find yourself in a season of waiting and uncertainty.
You know it’s necessary, but you’re enduring rather than enjoying it. If so, don’t give up.
Thank God for it and trust Him to bring you through it.

You’ll come out the other side and be able to adequately appreciate and enjoy your “Spring” because you’ve just endured your “Winter.”

No matter where you find yourself today, I encourage you to look back at the faithfulness of God and look forward to the promises of God.

Surrender & Take Heart

A week ago today, I did something for the first time – with my whole heart.

A week ago, my husband took my hand during the church service to comfort me because I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

A week ago, friends laid their hands upon my shoulder joining us in prayer for our journey.

A week ago today, I stood in church with tears streaming down my face as Pastor prayed – for those especially with a heavy burden needing surrendered.

A week ago, I surrendered the heavy weight of our infertility journey to God.

The overall message talked about the major struggles that people face in life and that in order to deal with them, you must get to a place of surrendering them. That ‘the way that you win a battle with God is by surrendering.’ I felt as if I was the only one in the room and Pastor was delivering a message intended solely for me. I oftentimes find myself yearning to yield my will to His, but not doing it – and while not proud of it, I often fail in this aspect. I like to think that I knew what I was doing before when I would say that I gave my burden to Him to carry – but then I’d pull pieces of it back into my control and before I knew it – I had the entire burden back on my shoulders. But this time, it was different. He read a particular quote that I am going to share with you.. and I’m pretty sure this is when the tears began to fall..but I knew that this was God calling me to surrender to Him the weight on my heart.

“When you look at every crisis in your life as an opportunity to trust God more deeply, you will see the glory and goodness of God shining in and through your life. The darker it gets in your situation, the brighter God in His goodness and grace can shine through you for the world to see. Sometimes God’s strength is demonstrated in what He does around us, and other times His strength shines in us.” -Steven Furtick

Having listened to the message that was delivered, when Pastor asked anyone to stand that had something that they needed to lay at the feet of God for His perfect peace, I stood – without hesitation. Christopher held my hand tightly and as he prayed – in my heart I just gave it all to Him: the worry, the want, the despair, the bitterness, the pain, the heartache, the fear, the embarrassment, the hurt, the doubt, the shame, the failure, the uncertainty – all of it.

The more that our Pastor spoke during the prayer and in the silence that followed, the more the tears fell. I tried to wipe them away without anyone noticing, but it didn’t work. The more I made an effort to stop, the faster they came – which, on any given night, wouldn’t have been so bad if I could have just ducked out the back immediately following, however we were greeting last week. We had to face the gathering as they left and wish them a good night. So, with rosy cheeks and puffy eyes, we said our goodbyes. We left and drove to dinner. On the way I fixed my make-up, but not many words were said. I’m pretty sure that Christopher knew how profound the previous hour in church had been for me.

Sunday morning when I woke up, I leashed up all three pups and out the door we went for our walk. At this time I remembered that I had a very simple dream through the night: sitting in the quiet comfort of our living room, I was reading the Bible – but there was only one verse on the page – it was printed large enough that it was the only other part of this dream I remember – “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart – I have overcome the world.”
{John 16:33}

A week ago, I found a renewed strength and spirit.

A week ago, I took heart.

A week ago, I surrendered – and in the last week I’ve felt nothing but peace regarding our Journey to Baby Bear.

Thankful Thursdays

It’s Thursday. And if your week has been anything like mine, you are beyond ready for the weekend to get here. I’ve watched quietly from the sidelines as friends and family have posted the current hardships that they are dealing with in life on, or read about the newest mountain needing to be climbed on some of my favorite blogs. No matter what the situation, this week just seems as if it’s been relentless for everyone..

During my drive into work this morning, I thought about everything that was left undone on my desk from yesterday. I thought about the overtime that we are undoubtedly working this weekend. I thought about the things I’ve been neglecting at home needing addressed. I thought about a lot of different things in such a short timeframe that just didn’t go as planned this week. In my own heart and mind, I did nothing but complain. I felt myself being brought down already – and it wasn’t even 7a.m. yet. I made a conscious decision right then and there that I would find something to be thankful for. Big or little – it didn’t have to be anything crazy – but I refused to let my day start in such a manner that the rest of my day would decline based on my attitude.

One of my favorite bloggers Chelsea over at Starbucks, Peace, and the Pursuit of a Baby writes a segment every week called “Friday Favorites” – and I absolutely LOVE it! She encompasses her favorites from the week: moments, quotes, recipes, jokes – you name it – it’s there. And it’s such a bright note to end the week on!

She has inspired me – to start “Thankful Thursdays” – time willing I will post every Thursday a few things that I am thankful for from the week.
I plan to share the link to this blog on my Facebook page encouraging my friends and family to tell me something that has happened in the past week that they are thankful for as well.

I hope that this encourages people to find something in the midst of the hustle and bustle of our lives to be appreciative of – even if you’re having a week like mine.

So without further adieu, here are a few things I am thankful for:

– being able to spend some time with my husband this week after he worked some crazy hours last week in order to finish a contracting job

– being able to purchase tickets to see for King & Country at our church this September

– being able to get approval for my husband’s insulin and supplies; my health insurance changed through work and effective July 1st, the brand of insulin he was on was going to be considered non-formulary as well as supplies for his insulin pump. Since this is the brand and type that has worked the best with him and his insulin pump, I was stressed beyond the max at the thought of him regressing to a syringe and different insulin. Finally after 4 weeks of fighting, with the help of our MD office – approval! Thanks to that approval, it turned a $1950 copay into just $50 as well as peace of mind that his way of life and health will not suffer by backtracking to control methods that proved unsuccessful

no reason not to be!

It might not sound like much, but those things have been enough to help me look on the bright side of things this week.

What are your moments for Thankful Thursday?

Scars.

Driving into work this morning, I noticed my scar on my right forearm is more visibly defined with the nice tan I’ve got going on. I chuckled to myself thinking back to the summer of 1999. I was so excited that I finally got a new bike – a twelve speed for my twelfth birthday. I begged and pleaded my Grandmother to let me go with the older kids from the neighborhood on a long bike ride and after the millionth promise to be extra careful, away I went. Within the hour, I trudged the whole way home holding my arm that I had cut open when I fell off my bike. “That’s going to leave a nice scar..” she said as she cleaned my arm and dried my tears.

Scars. They seem to be the by-product of life. Some of our scars are physical; others are emotional or mental. But if we are honest, we all have some. Some we can show off to others and even laugh about their origins. Others are so painful to discuss or even reveal – we do our best to hide them from sight or even our own memory. Some may affect our lives for a day or a week or a month. Others are life-changing. I have a combination of both. I have come to appreciate the scars (physical & emotional) I have acquired in my first twenty-six years.

Scars reveal a past hurt. Scars hide a previous pain. They normally point to a regretful experience and a painful past. Some scars are the result of a true “accident”. Other scars are because of foolish decisions.

As I look back at some of my scars, I have come to appreciate them in a new light. That appreciation has not come easily or quickly. Whereas before I might have tried to make up a story to explain the scar’s existence, now I just tell the story “as is.” Whereas before I might have tried to cover up the mark and avoid talking about it, now I embrace it as part of “me.” Some people, depending on their scar or the pain that caused it, will not be able to reach my same level of transparency. Others, over time, might come to a point where they are even thankful for the experience that caused the scar. For the most part, I am at that stage. I am grateful for the experiences and their scars as it has taught me some valuable lessons I could not have learned without them.

I tend to think my scars exist in order to teach me a greater lesson. Sometimes I wonder if some of my scars are not for me as much as they are for others. Seeing that God’s ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55), God could allow me to receive a scar for the sole benefit of others.
Regardless, for the benefit of others, or a lesson I needed to learn for myself, here are a few lessons that my scars have taught me:

My scars remind me of where I have been.

Depending on the scar and it’s cause, this can be an extremely painful reminder, particularly if the scar is from someone else’s selfish act. But I have found it is a good reminder (from time to time) as I can better appreciate where I am today. Those who deny the existence of the pain that caused the scar or the scar itself cannot ultimately heal like they need to. Too often we try to cover the scar instead of embracing it, to our own detriment. At the very least, we need to work through the pain and do what we can to reduce the scar tissue.

My scar reminds me to be careful in the future.

Every scar comes with a lesson. For a burn mark on a toddler’s hand, the lesson is do not touch a hot stove. The physical scars usually communicate a very clear lesson like – do not jump the wooden handmade ramp that everyone else is doing with their big kid bikes, when you have had your new twelve speed for just a few days. The emotional or mental scars may be harder to discern what the lesson is. They can certainly take more time to uncover. Even so, there is always something we can learn from our scars and therefore it is always worth the time invested to discover it. Take the time to do the research on what caused it and what needs to happen so you don’t experience any more.

Each scar helps me empathize with others who have similar scars.

I wear the scar of battling infertility and I can empathize with those who are in the midst of receiving their infertility scar. If I have the scar of losing a child or losing a job or losing a relationship, I can help others through the same painful loss. There is a great power in empathy. There is a special bond that is created when you are truly able to relate (experientially) to another person’s pain. The goal with every scar is to eventually get to a point where you can help others deal with theirs. We are in this life together for a reason. We are our brother’s & sister’s keeper. In that place of comforting others, you often find an unexpected healing in you.

A scar is a sign of healing.

“Every significant wound results in some degree of scarring. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues in the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process.” (Thank you, Wikipedia) If there wasn’t a scar, it would still be a wound. The fact that there is a scar reveals that there has been some level of healing. Some of the scars I have experienced have taken me years before I could get in a position to talk about it or help others. Other scars I can talk about relatively quickly. The fact that there is a scar is a good sign. The painful experience is over. Healing has begun.

Though most of us would not have chosen many of the negative experiences we have gone through, as we look back we can see some good that has come out of it. God has the unique ability to make an ugly scar beautiful (Romans 8:28).

Perhaps the next time you look at your own scars, you will have a different perspective. Perhaps one day you will have the courage to embrace a particularly painful scar or the reason for its existence. Maybe there is a lesson for you in the scar.. and maybe the lesson is for someone else. Maybe even one day you will get to the point of helping others handle theirs. Your scar, though created by pain, could end up being something very beautiful to behold.

Steady My Heart – Kari Jobe

On the night that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, He appeared to His disciples (John 20). After greeting them, the very first thing He did was show them His scars – the scars given to Him as a result of the Cross. The scars on His hands, side & feet were significant as they pointed to an extremely painful past. Jesus could have covered them up. He could have blamed the Romans for scarring the hands that made them. Instead, He chose to show them off because He recognized the purpose behind them. His scars revealed that healing had occurred, not only for His resurrection, but for all – “but He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

His hands were scarred so ours don’t have to be. When I get to Heaven, I want to see His scars. After all, without them, I’d never be there.

His scars were visible for a reason. So are yours.

” Just Not Fair “

Last night I dove into a new book and today I finished it. It was that good of a read. The book is the latest from Jennifer Rothschild called “God Is Just Not Fair” – the preview on the front cover says “Finding Hope When Life Doesn’t Make Sense”

God Is Just Not Fair – A Must Read

Just. Not. Fair. As I posted about a couple of days ago, there is a lot that has gone on in recent weeks and I currently am faced with a great deal to try and manage. I’m in a time in my life where I feel like my work is truly overwhelming me and expectations are high. I am trying to help my husband manage his new business and adjust to a drastic change in our lifestyle. We are focused more on managing his health now more than we ever have and have put our Journey to Baby Bear on hold all the while still having to navigate the in’s and out’s of every day life. If I sound like I’m teetering on the edge of complaining, I’m not. I’m simply stating that I am struggling with all that life has thrown at me lately.

So having said all of that, I found it beyond comforting when I read these words in my book:

I know you are struggling. I can hear those doubts tossing around in your mind. You’re wondering if I still care about you, if I am even aware of your daily frustrations and discouragements. You feel as though the trials you are going through don’t matter to me and you question if I even hear your prayers. I know you can’t see it now, but these trials have purpose.

I don’t want your pain to leave scars, but beauty marks the whole world will see. You may not always understand my ways or why I choose to accomplish my perfect plan in a way that seems so imperfect to you, but you can trust me. I know you are weary child, but don’t give up on Me or your faith in Me. I will show you how I can take what is broken in you and rebuild it. Let me reveal how I can give you a greater sense of peace through every storm you face. I want you to see the truth of who I really am and free you from any misunderstandings about Me. If you will trust Me, you will experience unexpected peace in spite of unexpected heartache.

Child, you were never meant to navigate life alone. I want to be your constant companion on this journey. Will you come close to me and let me wrap you in my strength? I will reveal myself to you and give you hope; I will be the hope you need when your life doesn’t make sense. I know my ways are confusing and often it seems I am just not fair. But, look to me, let me love you through the questions you have and you will discover that I am just. My ways are perfect and my every action or seeming inaction is because I am just… not fair.

Love,
Your Father God

I have found myself feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders over the last couple of months and here it is in black and white – literally – the reminder that I needed to hear. That I am not meant to navigate this life alone, and that even though weary, not to give up on my faith in Him. I’ve learned that God uses difficult times to mold us to become more like Him. When life flows smoothly, it’s tempting to go at it on our own. But when it is difficult, it is our reminder to run to the One who has the power we need to respond to life His way. As we do, our faith and level of perseverance will increase, which prepares us for the next struggle. All the while, we are becoming more like Him.

Scripture tells us when we look at our trials as instruments of training and learn from them, we will come out mature and complete. We’ll be stronger than we were before — ready for all that God has ahead for us.

I absolutely love when He uses life to teach you lessons and intervenes with a message from Him when you need it most.